This Ones For Me

I think the worst thing in the world is feeling like other people don’t know who you really are. They get caught up trying to make up a story that fits what makes sense to them, and we get lost trying to be that person, or fighting to set ourselves free from that image. I try not to get too overly personal on my blog, but I think I owe it to my followers to be authentic.. I owe it to myself too.  I really loved this  shot with Gabriel Alvarez  the first time I saw it I felt “strong”.  I guess that’s because I want to be. I want to be strong for my kids and strong for myself.  Strong isn’t just being a tough person on the outside, its more about emotional dexterity to me. Developing the patience to endure situations that are not as planned, and being able to offer grace and encouragement during those times. Being able to maintain a healthy self image and take care of myself  physically, mentally, and emotionally. So that I can pour from a full cup into the lives of others.  Photography is an art that tells a story. A story that helps connect people to each other. I have met too many people in my life who see a situation, and believe that  its set in stone the way it is, and that they have no option but to fall into the pressure around them.  I remember how broken I felt a few years ago when I went through my divorce and had to move back home with my mom. I remember getting alot of advice from people about how I needed to handle that situation. I knew deep down inside that shuffling the scattered pieces of myself halfheartedly into society was going to be unproductive for me, I needed to find myself and put myself back together.  I knew myself. I was a creative, passionate, ambitious individual. I didn’t want to offer less than my best to anyone, and I couldn’t live with the mediocre lie that was being put on the table. If you don’t respect yourself even your kindness is a curse. You can’t offer anything of value to anyone else if you don’t first put value into your own account. It means so much more when you can share from a place of self worth and respect. It took some innovative maneuvering to put the pieces where they needed to be, but in the end I feel amazing everytime I have the opportunity to pour into the people around me. I mentioned to  an associate of mine one time, that relationships are more meaningful when you take time to value yourself because then its worth more when you share it with someone else. Value is everything.

I am the main role model in my kids lives and I want them to see me having a good sense of self, and through our relationship, they know I love them, and they can feel that same sense of self for themselves. A few years ago I couldn’t really offer that to my kids or to myself. I crossed a point in my life where I decided that I was going to hold the pen, stop being a victim,  pick up the mic, and own my life.

I am an artist .I am an expressionist. I am a protector. I will always choose to be strong for the people that count on me.

 

Thanks for checking in follow me on IG @courtneypaigeadams ❤

-Courtney

2 thoughts on “This Ones For Me

  1. I thought a lot about this blog and in saying that I did not want to drown out your story with that of my own seeing as our paths are so similar. I do have a thought that I did not realize when I was young. And it is that people in their youth do not realize that they are choosing a path very early on in their development when they choose to fall deeply in love at a young age. Do they experience passionate, magical, deep feelings? Yes. Absolutely. Is it worth it? Maybe. But you run the huge risk of being broken when the end comes, hence the journey later in life to truly find all of the depths that is you, such as in the case of you, and myself. Had I chosen not to, or had the wherewithal about me to not fall in love when I did early on and focused on deep understanding of myself, perhaps things would have turned out differently. But now, after having survived a bad marriage that left my mental health spiraling towards the end, and and 8 years, I was left pondering if love would ever present itself again. I would say it will be difficult as anyone with similar experiences to mine would be highly apprehensive to trust another individual on the level it would take to fall deeply in love again. However, I think that the past experiences of both myself and whoever that person may be would create a full, appreciative, deep understanding between the two of us. I think those are the two ends of whether or not to fall in love and concentrate on a relationship as opposed to concentrating on yourself, especially early in life. Props to the couple that can live their entire lives together while still traveling their own personal journeys of self, especially if they are different.

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